Controlling parents are often discussed from a psychological perspective, but there is also an energetic perspective.
For a long time, False King of Tyranny and Dark Mother archetypes have run rampant through the Earth. These negative constructs are a part of the False Parent program that keep us in states of hurt, confusion, disempowerment, and dependence on false authority.
I feel that there is a balance between holding people responsible for their actions and acknowledging that Earth has some very unfortunate programming that effects people’s behavior. This has a lot to do with what is commonly referred to as ancestral or intergenerational trauma. However, its tentacles span a lot deeper than most realize because we have not always had the benefit of remembering our multidimensional reality.
While navigating this lifetime we may have had controlling parents without recognizing it for what it was. The intent of this article is to bring the truth to light for those who need it.
Examples of Controlling Parents
-A lack of acknowledgement. Your accomplishments are ignored, downplayed, or you are told they are not worthy of celebrating because “that’s what you are supposed to do.”
-A lack of respect or empathy. This can take many forms. Perhaps the parents don’t allow any sort of privacy. Another manifestation could be that the parents embarrass the child by sharing their private (and potentially embarrassing) information with others. These parents may feel as if adults are always entitled to a high level of respect simply because they are adults; whereas children are not entitled to any respect because they are children.
-Demanding obedience. The mantra of “do as I say, not as I do” is seen as the rule as opposed to being seen as hypocrisy.
– Children not allowed to make age-appropriate decisions.
-Children are manipulated via guilt, shame, or blame.
-The parents feel that it’s their job to write the child’s life story. This is also known as attempting to live vicariously through the child.
Effects of Having Controlling Parents
Anxiety and ineffective coping skills. https://guilfordjournals.com/doi/10.1521/jscp.2013.32.6.569
Struggles with tasks that require independence and assertiveness. https://news.virginia.edu/content/study-overbearing-parents-lead-long-term-struggles-relationships-education
May experience difficulties with honesty due to living in an environment where it is not safe to tell the truth. https://www.independent.co.uk/news/uk/home-news/strict-parenting-turns-children-into-liars-experts-claim-a7202166.html
May be susceptible to exploitation due to feelings of guilt or shame which lead to the inability to say no. https://psychcentral.com/blog/psychology-self/2017/07/effects-of-controlling-upbringing#4
How do you reclaim yourself from controlling parents?
It’s a balance between understanding what has happened to us and facing it bravely; and moving into a space where we are able to release the pain while keeping the lessons.
We don’t want to try to release things rapidly in order to escape feeling our emotions, but we also don’t want to drown in a cycle of negativity that we cannot pull ourselves up from. Balance is key, as is the recognition that our story doesn’t have to be one of eternal pain – it can be one of triumph over that pain.
“To free the body, mind, emotions and spirit from the bondage of trauma induced by parents or others when we were children, we must take responsibility to learn how to love ourselves and unconditionally forgive what has happened to us. This action dissolves the Causality and the consequential effects, as well as later entanglements that this pain has created throughout the child’s timeline, all the way into adulthood.” – Lisa Renee
Sometimes the concept of forgiveness is not welcomed because it’s seen as invalidating the pain that we have experienced and giving the other person some type of “pass”. Yet, forgiveness is not about the other person, it’s about freeing ourselves from being corded to negative energies and consciousness enslavement.
Forgiveness does not mean that we allow our boundaries to be repeatedly violated. It is possible to forgive someone by feeling neutral towards them while still maintaining distance that you deem necessary.
“Forgive others not because they deserve forgiveness, But because you deserve peace” — Buddha.
Steps to help the process
-Acknowledge what has happened. Affirmation: I see the truth and accept it for what it is.
-Exert strong boundaries. Affirmation: I have the right to protect myself and be free from harm.
-Commit to healing. Affirmation: I am releasing pain and patterns from past relationships.
-Find a healing practice that resonates with you. Affirmation: I have a right to set my own priorities and make choices that align to my highest potential.
On this path to self-reclamation it’s important to remember to only accept what resonates with your loving heart – all else can be discarded.