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My Story

I’m sharing my story it case it resonates with someone who needs to know that they aren’t alone. Please don’t expect complete perfection from me, because you won’t find it. I don’t see myself as any sort of guru and I would never want to be that. I see myself as friend walking the same journey as many others.

“You may say I’m a dreamer, but I’m not the only one. I hope someday you’ll join us.

And the world will be as one.”- John Lennon

I lost myself trying to navigate a world that told me that I was too much and that I didn’t fit in. I was told that I was too sensitive, I was too loquacious, and I needed to tone myself down if I wanted people to like me.

I was not raised in an environment that could properly nurture my creativity, sensitivity, and wisdom. Therefore I spent a lot of time trying to shut it all off. I existed in states of confusion and overwhelm. I did not know this at the time, but I was a psychic sponge picking up on everything around me.

I assumed that everyone was just like me, but they were better at feeling these intense feelings. In my mind, everyone had this key to managing life that I did not have. That’s why they could watch violent TV shows and movies and not cry, and that’s why people could hurt someone’s feelings and not think twice about it.

It wasn’t until after I was 18 years old that I finally asked someone how they did it. They didn’t know what I was talking about.

Therefore, I presented a scenario: “if you watch someone on TV, and they are hurt, do you feel their hurt?” The answer was no.

I didn’t understand.

I wanted to check one more time so I used another example. I said something like, “if someone is crying does it make you want to cry because you feel why they are crying?” They said no. I was a little afraid, and I wondered what was wrong with me. That wasn’t an entirely new question. As a child I often wondered why there seemed to be no place for me on Earth.

Despite having so much Divine support, my experiences in my youth taught me that I should be invisible unless I was needed to help with something; otherwise I was at risk for experiencing great pain. My job was to soothe anger, comfort emotional turbulence, and do so with a pleasant attitude.

I lost myself because I was taught that my feelings did not matter, and therefore I did not matter. I was conditioned to believe that my job was to take whatever was thrown at me without showing any type of negative emotion.

Although being calm, soothing, and kind is an authentic reflection of who I am, these traits were turned into something imbalanced because my personal hurt and anger were something that I pushed down so much that I forgot it was there.

Through great struggles I learned that there’s only so much repression that would be tolerated. At that point, there was no more space to hold what wasn’t mine to carry.

I eventually realized that my role was not to be a receptacle of pain, but it was to be an alchemist and pathcutter. There is nothing glamorous about that path. Yet it is needed.

The lesson here is that the phoenix will always rise.

It is through each of us healing individually that we heal Earth as a whole.

Here’s to all the sensitive souls: the dreamers who dreamed of a better world and were told to wake up; the creatives who were told that their creations had no place, the feelers and knowers who were told that their sensitivity was absurdity – here’s to you. Keep shining bright, and never give up on your path.

Life is a journey that leads us back to our multidimensional experience as one. May we all find the truth that resonates with our eternally loving hearts.

I Am by Jennifer Nelson